I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
