sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
