Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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