Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
