He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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