She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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