I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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