I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
