and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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