dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
