dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
