We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
