You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
