Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
