He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
