i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
