well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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