she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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