So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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