My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
