my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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