Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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