I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
