I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
