Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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