I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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