the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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