he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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