just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I did not marry a roomba.
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