Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
