Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
