She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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