Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I party with great urgency now.
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