my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
