I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
