It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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