woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
