apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
