too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
