Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
