I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
