We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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