He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
