It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
