Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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