I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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