I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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