Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
