Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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