That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
