omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
