she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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