You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
