i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
