no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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