Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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