he shaved USA in his pubs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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