I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
