the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
