i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
