She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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