he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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