omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
