we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
