I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
