so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
