im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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