I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
