The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
