I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize