dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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