I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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