Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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