Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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