you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
