I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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