I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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