Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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