Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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